My Saturday started at 5:55am. I rolled out of bed in the pitch-black of the morning, tired but excited for my day ahead. It was a day of many beginnings - very attuned with the energy of the New Moon. It was the day of my first Farmer's Market as the new Assistant Manager of the LCFM, as well as the night of my first co-hosted event with my friend, Lana, at her center.
Before I left the house, I pulled the Sun card from my favorite tarot deck. I felt like this was a great reminder and affirmation of the day ahead (spoiler alert: it was!). The Sun's uplifting and bright energy was 100% with me the entire day.
My first day at market was WILD to say the least, in some of the best ways. My new manager is a powerhouse. Even though the 9-hour day was a whirlwind, I still felt energized and excited by the end of the shift. After my crash course in market management (really, there's no other way to prepare someone without just letting them see how it all runs), we held a Vendor Meeting to discuss upcoming markets and to try to get vendors to sign up for our new Vendor Committee so that their voices can be heard in a more organized way.
So many of these vendors see this market as a second home, or maybe third home for the farmers. Haha. The sense of community and togetherness was not something I've experienced before. Everyone I had the chance to meet so far was so welcoming and excited to get to know me more and to see me thrive in this position.
The opportunity to get this job literally fell into my lap. I was not looking for a job. I had every intention to continue working for myself, which I am still doing, always, but this adds such a big and necessary shift for me in this part of my journey. I NEEDED to start to get more involved in my community. I needed to start putting all my gathered skills to good use. I needed to start seeing how much my internal work has impacted how I interact with others and handle everyday stresses. My first day was long and chaotic and wild but it was also sweet and challenging in a way I love and fulfilling.
I had about a solid hour between getting home from market and needing to head back out to co-host my event with Lana. Old me would have tried to cancel our event, past me would have stressed the ENTIRE TIME in between and made herself sick, and would have felt guilt over every emotion felt.
Last night, I came home, ate some food, snuggled my cats and my husband, took a shower to reset my energy and decompress from the day, changed my clothes, gathered my things for the event, and felt very grounded the whole time. I wasn't about to go do something I didn't want to do. I MADE this life for myself, I WANTED these kinds of opportunities to come my way. I NEEDED to show myself how much I've grown and changed. So, I did that. I didn't feel any guilt, I didn't get overwhelmed, I almost cried in the shower (not a big deal for me, my astrological chart is at least 50% water signs. Crying is a way of life. Plus, another spoiler: I cry later in the night).
I was too happy-tired to be nervous for my first co-hosted event. Plus, I know that my energy and Lana's energy work well together, we're both Scorpios, so that felt grounding for me. Our first New Moon Capsule went well! We had six wonderful women sign up. I opened the space for our guides to support us and walked everyone though a meditation where they had an opportunity to sit and be in their mind-space with one of their guides. We allowed anyone who wanted to share their experience some time to chat. Lana showed everyone how to make an intention spell jar. We closed the evening with everyone pulling individual oracle cards and thanking our guides for being in the space with us.
I cried tears of joy on my way home at 9pm, after one of the longest and most fulfilling days of my life. I told myself how proud I am of me. I held space for myself to acknowledge what I've been through and how strong I am for getting this point. I'm not sure I've ever talked to myself in that way before, in such an affirming and loving way. If you don't do this for yourself, please start. Loving yourself is step one, everything else truly falls into place after that.
If you had told me a year ago I would be doing everything that I'm doing today, I would think you're insane. Hell, if you told me three months ago that I'd be doing all of this, I would not believe you. I've made so many shifts. I've worked through some big trauma (look for a blog post about 'the space that trauma holds' in the future). It only spirals up from here.