As someone with a Scorpio stellium, I am no stranger to change. I shed my skin, burn down and rise back up from the ashes, and welcome metaphorical deaths very often, near daily. 2022 brought this energy up about 1,000 notches. I saw myself as one version of me and clung to the idea of who I was/am, without realizing that in doing so, I was actually shadowing my true self. I realized I became a person who just shifted without an anchor, always flowing and floating towards something else without attaching myself to anything. I like being alone, that's not new, but I was lonely in that state of constant flux.
I don't remember what specifically pushed me to finally stop treading the water and actually see where I was, who I was, and was not. When I neared the end of my 20's, I vowed that my 30's would be infinitely better, but didn't make any efforts to make that true. I traveled back to Chicago quite a bit throughout 2022, and I wonder if coming home to New York made me realize that even though I was physically in my house, surrounded by my things and my cats, that I didn't feel like I was coming home to myself.
A big shift happened in September. After years of declaring that I am best off alone, only to be surrounded by my very closest people, I felt an inkling to expand that circle. As a newly spiritual person, I started looking for like-minded people in my area and quickly realized that Newfane/Lockport doesn't quite have what I was looking for (not yet, anyway). The Universe led me to Lana, who quickly expanded my views and my comfort in this new way of living and being. If I hadn't been ready for this shift, I would have easily missed it. The door opened wide to me and for once, I actually stepped through. I made a new life-long friend, something I didn't think I'd ever want or need again, but I am grateful for her company and wisdom.
Things quickly spiraled upwards from there. I attended every single gathering that Lana offered throughout October as I continued to navigate through my own inner journey of remembering who I really am, not which version of me I fell into that day. I started to commit to reading tarot in October and the cards helped me to tap into deep and intense wells of knowing and confirmation.
Another big shift happened in October which led me to finding Lisa, my Shamanic teacher, mentor, and guide. Once I finally said yes to myself, the Earth sang out and I allowed myself to become enveloped in the wisdom around me. For so long, I denied myself the absolutely comfort of being out in nature. I don't think I was ready, for a very long time, because my intuition knew that once I started down this path, there would be work and hardship and pain, but also success and overcoming trauma and happiness. You can't walk down a guiding path as someone else, you can only truly go as yourself, and for a long time, I was not me.
My Shamanic apprenticeship started on October 31st, a day where the veil is thin and energy is boundless and it felt supremely right and witchy as fuck. Shamanic journeys are an experience that cannot be explained, only felt firsthand. The wisdom and the healing I am receiving constantly astounds me. This work is not easy and I'm facing traumas I thought I could just let time take away. News flash for me - time does NOT heal all wounds, time is an illusion. Facing your trauma, processing through it, and using it to build yourself from the ground up DOES heal. I am humbled in this journey so far and the further along I go, the more right this path feels for me. I cannot wait to offer this healing to others after my apprenticeship concludes at the end of 2023.
On a splenic projector burst of confidence, I started Owl Moon Healing in early November. The timing was right and the business name, initial offerings, and vibe of what I wanted to present easily flowed out of me. I am creating a safe space where I can share my progress and my wisdom and eventually, deep healing for others.
The final piece of my puzzle this year was literally presented to me on social media in December. I am now a Qigong Instructor in Training. I was first introduced to qigong years ago when I started to pursue Traditional Chinese Medicine - one of my many different life paths that has led me to where I am today. Since doing more energy work in other areas of my life, qigong is allowing me to harness the energy brought in by the Universe and use it to further energize and heal myself. This energy and movement medicine has been added to my daily rituals and will also be added to my offerings in the coming year.
2023 will be a 9 personal year for me - a year for harnessing and mastering my crafts and closing out a long and bumpy cycle back to myself. I'm still learning, I'm still growing, I'm still healing - these ventures never end, and that's ok. That's the journey of life. There is no balance with only light and there is no balance with only dark.
2022 taught me to love myself (my true self and my varying selves), to lean on my community, to be open to change because it's coming whether I'm ready or not, and to just be present. Every day is a gift and an opportunity to shift upwards.